3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
