oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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