She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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