We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
