i was rollin on her like bob the builder
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
