So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
