i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
