Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you win again, gameday.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
