I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Green mimosas i think yes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
