my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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