based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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