Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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