I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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