wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
