You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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