You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
