dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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