Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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