someone get that fucking seahorse.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
