I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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