I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
