4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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