Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
