absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
