im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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