the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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