Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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