just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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