My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
