it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
