One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
