They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
