Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
