My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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