1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
