he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
