True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
