It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
