dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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