The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i dont even know how to be here
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
