he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
