Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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