your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up under a house in Key West
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
