Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
