no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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