can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize