I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
