Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
