since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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