i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
