mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My life is pants optional.
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