I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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