you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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