Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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