she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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