Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize