Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
