You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize