the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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