No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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