my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
