Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
