i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
