You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
