She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
