Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
