Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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