I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
