you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
