I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
