Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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