Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
