I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
