im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
