i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
