I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
