My liver just broke up with me...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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