Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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