hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize