I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
