I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
