my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize