It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
