Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
