i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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