I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
