i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
