that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize