May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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