No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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