he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
