im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize