i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
